When First Dates turn into Worst Dates...

It's not the guy, I mean he's great. Charming, funny, friendly and kind. It's the time, the place and me. Today I had a bad date. I recently came out of an almost 5 month relationship, and as in Sex and The City, I believe you should allow yourself half the time you dated the person as to get over them. So thearetically, I shouldn't start going on any dates for another 2 and half months. But it was more like two and a half days, literally. And FYI, it's not a good idea. My emotions towards new crush and old boyfriend where confused- the feelings of love I had towards OB where getting lost between the feelings of excitement with NC. And together- love and excitement- create what I'm missing from either relationship; so combined, I'm in a damn good one. But wait- that's two guys, and I cant let myself get confused. It's so hard forcing yourself back to Plan A after so much with an OB, all the shit you got through together, all the fun you had, all the things you learnt, and the friendship. And then moving onto a NC, the prospect of all the above... it's just so hard to get caught in an emotional cross fire.

It started fine, a little awkward, but that's expected. It's just when he started brushing my arm, or touching my knee that my thoughts turned to OB. The date turned stressful and hard to bear, I had to stop looking at NC in the eye, I got nervous and scared. I really like this guy, but it's just way to soon. It's like buying a new dog the day after you're old one dies. What if OB finds out? What if NC finds out? Oh shit, i'm in shit. But when dates turn bad because of relationships turned bad, really, what can you do? It's not fair on the date to say 'hey, listen, not over my EX yet but maybe we could try this again in a few months 'cos I really like ya'll.'... wait, is that not fair? Maybe that would work. Surely he'd understand right? See, here I am, mixed up again.

The thing about this kinda thing is that it's so hard to tell when you're really over that person. I go buy three things: I can tell EX my crushes, I can tell EX what I really think about their EX, and most of all, I can see EX without any makeup on. It's so easy to get caught up between old and new, do you tell EX? Yes. You have too, and this is where I went wrong, I didn't tell him. Maybe if I had said 'I'm going on a date' it would me easy for me. Instead of thinking the whole time 'what would EX say?'. When you come across a situation like this all you can do is be honest. And, I know I'm not perfect, but I do believe honesty is the key to a good relationship, whether it's 'just friends' or growing old together. Don't put yourself out there too soon. Don't be vunerable. Do tell him [NC or OB] how you're feeling. And when all else fails, just take time for taking time.

xox Qwerty

Love Hurts.

Wikipedia says [and I know not to trust it on everything, but I believe this is true] "Unrequited love is love that is not openly reciprocated, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may not even be aware of their admirer's deep affections. This can lead to feelings such as depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, and rapid mood swings between depression and euphoria. Being such a universal feeling, it has naturally been a frequent subject in popular culture."

Bah, I know what that feels like. What if you are loved, but the one you love is not the one that you love? Truth is, and remember, the truth hurts, love is not always a two player game. It totally sucks. Even if it's not even LURVE! What if, you, like, totally are crushing on that cute guy. It may feel like lub, and I know what that feels like too. You want it so bad, but you can't have it. ARGH. Well; the worst thing you can do is assume. Never assume ANYTHING. Please, remember that, it'll save you so much heartache. Don't trust, don't assume. Guys will say anything you want to hear just because you want to hear it, and that may sound nice but in the long run it's the worst thing that can happen.

Pain. What can you do? Avoid the person? Find someone new in the hope of getting over you're crush/love of your life? And, if they aren't the love of you're life, and you ain't gettingn anywhere with them, try to remember if it was gonna work, you would make it work. If you can't make it work, it never will. BUT BUT BUTT- and a bit J LO BUTT! How can you ever be sure that you don't have a chance? Try it. And, hey, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. You could always make up a rumour about them after. Like, IE, they like wearing womans thongs. Bahaha, that's a funny one to surface.

I realised something about two seconds ago. What if, that thing you've been waiting for isn't really what it seems? IT's all starting to fall in place for me, but what if it's really falling apart? Someone wants me to choose, and I hate choices. Someone wants me to tell the truth, and I hate admitting I'm wrong. Someone wants me to give up all the shit, but I just can't. This life is so hard, but you'll one day find someone that'll make all the shit you've been through worth it.

xox Qwerty

New Kids; UGLY Shoes

Welcoming the new kids is like introducing you're boyfriend to your best friend. Your boyfriend being school, BFFL being the new kids. They'll either steal everything you've got, or get on every ones nerves and ruin the beautiful regime and hierarchy. Either way, it wont be good. The good thing about new kids, however, is fresh, juicy, un-tainted meat. They don't yet know the rules of the school; and, hell, let's not tell them until they break a few. Naive, scared and anxious, the new kids will do anything to fit in- unless the unthinkable happens. All the new kids group together to make one alliance, also known as 'The Rucksack Gang' or 'Ruckies' for short. They are so called because they don't yet know rule No 5- No rucksacks, backpacks or satchels- Louis Vuitton Satchels are acceptable. Unless you are a boarder [board at school], any of the above are UNACCEPTABLE. But, for those innocent new kids, there's a two week rule. If you have any of the above after those two weeks... ouch. Be prepared to be spending your break times in ICT block.

The beauty of the new term [if there is any beauty in going back to school] is the fresh start. A clean slate. Remember the two week rules? That's the 'testing period'... We see someone we think has potential, we see what they've got. Say they we're to break a few rules in the first week, it would depend on which one to where in the hierarchy they would be placed. For instance, the 'No Starting Rumours as a Rookie' rule. Say you had only been in the school for two days, and you told everyone the girl you sit next to in math smells like weed. That's a big no no. That would put you with the 'Straightedge' kids. That would NOT go down well with the gossips. Starting rumours is OUR job. Not yours. And pissing of the school gossip/s is the worst. My best gossip compadre once got harrassed by a newbie. She ended up on the floor during netball. Oh- and extend the two week Ruckie rule- you'll end up as a Yuckie. It's childish, but it's true.

Anywaaah. Qwerty xox

Oh, PS. Ugly shoes? I don't know why, but new kids are incapable of buying nice shoes. Hmf, it's just one of those things.

SEX... (is just sex.)

In 2007, 16% of adults (aged 20-59) reported first having sex before they were 15 years old. 15% of those adults said they abstained from sex until they were 21 years of age. Today, one-quarter of 15 year old females and less than 30% of 15 year old males have had sex, compared with 66% of 18 year old females, and 68% of 18 year old males who have had sexual intercourse. I know what you are thinking: blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah, me too. Fact is, about 4% of the people in my year have had sex. And about 50% of the people in the year above have done the same thing. What's the turning point? When to you go from 'silly virgin' and mature into 'stupid slut?'. There's an age, a certain age, where you just know. And for my good friend, she turned that age about 3 weeks ago. To my utter surprise she proudly let me know she had gone from an inexperienced teen to what she made sound like a porn star in 21 days. She'd slept with three random guys at the tender age of much-too-young. The worst thing was- she told me not to be surprised. A few days earlier I had heard from a good friend that a friend of a friend had broken up with her boyfriend of 8-or-so months, and the next day, the virgin had slept with an old school buddy. Who she hadn't seen in years. Ouch.

OK, so, as I tell my friends, sex is just sex. But is it really? When should you have it? When are you ready? More importantly, when aren't you ready? Many religions tell us to refrain from sex until marriage. Bullshit. I mean, for personal reasons, say you just didn't wanna, hey, that's OK. But i believe when you have sex, you have sex. Setting unrealistic goals, 'hey stranger let's get married so we can have sex', just makes teens want to marry younger and get divorced younger. It distorts the value of love- and the difference between love and sex. I don't believe you're ready for loosing those V plates until you know what to do and you're not afraid to do it. Know your partner, you're body, the possible consequences, the precautions, and the commitment you are making to this person. Sex is a normal part of adolescent development.

Anyway, back to my friend. Is three sexual partners to much for a minor? I'm not one to judge [OK, so I tend to wear the white wig a lot but...] me thinks yes. Let's just say, a third of that is about right for me. What worries me the most is that she isn't in a proper relationship with any of these men... or should I say boys. IMHO, she should at least accept that she did something stupid and can't take it back. 'But I just couldn't help myself' is no excuse. What's done is done, and by golly has she been done. But what can she do now? Get checked? Check. Do it again? DUH. This girl just can't enough. Well, all I can say to you, babes, if you are reading this: wrap it then tap it!

Peace out, Qwerty xox

Circles- What goes around.

Cliques. Networks. Friendship circles. If you don't belong in one, you probably belong in another. Your school or collage probably has a scale. Who climbing, who's falling. Who's on top, who's right at the very bottom. Hierarchy. You've probably seen Mean Girls and thought 'surely not?'. It's true. No matter how much you hate stereotypes, generalising and grouping of invdividuals, it's there and it always will be. Unlike the most popular girl however, she'll get her fifteen minutes, but once her popularity counter starts to run out, it's time for a new, younger, more hip teen will take the title. You must know your place in the scale. If you don't, you should be right at the bottom. It's a sad, sad, idea but unfortunatly that's how it goes. If you're reading this, and thinking, 'OMG, the nerve!' or 'WTF?', then just think to yourself- you know it's true, and however much you hate it, you're a part of it. Popularity is a bitch.

There are rules to get by- don't go outside your group unless you're willing to be something you're not. You must fit in. There's the popular girls, who aren't actually all that popular. Then the bitches and the gossips. A little lower down is the eccentrics- you love them, you know you do. The sporty kids. Then there's 'That Group'- you know the one, full of the odds and ends but they all seem to fit together perfectly. Usually of about 10 or 11. Then, the smart-arses. Not necessarily so clever, just think they know it all. Then... further down then I dare to go. These people are still liked, but not so much that they can climb the scale.

Without a certain clique, your school wouldn't function so well. Without That Group to make the clear divide between 'in' and 'out', no one would know where they stand. Without the gossips- Gosh, I dare to imagine, there would be no juice. There would be NO gossip. There would be nothing to stop everyone from getting along. You would be bored. Society as you know it would struggle to function. It would be a disaster- just remember, don't, don't, don't, whatever you do, get on the bad side of the school blabber. It's social suicide. The hardest part is, their is no way of chooing where on the scale you go. If -SHOCKER- you dare to be different- where do they put you? The best way to survive- be individual. Indivuduality, origniality and uniqueness show above all the best qualities of being a happy person. Who cares who's on top? Well, I do, but you shouldn't. Always remember- those who peak in high school have nothing to look forward too in later life. You may hate those people, but you are still fascinated by them.

xox Qwerty

I'm G... Gossip, that is.

Everyone knows one- lots of people are one. I must admit I can be one... a bitch. Whilst having a GG [great gossip] with a friend, we discovered something. Without bitches like the likes of her and me, people who thrive from the ups and downs of others would be eating their own fists with boredom. Whether you love gossip or hate it, you wouldn't have ANY without the school bitch. They can't be blamed for ruining so-and-sos reputation, but they can be blamed for making it the most talked about thing all year. And if you aren't the one gossiping, you might as well be the one being gossiped about. Don't hate the player, hate the game. Is it wrong to call someone a bitch? In the same IM convo I was having with my friend, we discussed whether it was a good or bad thing her BM's boyf had previously been informed that she is a bitch. We decided it was not at all a bad thing. After all, at least he knew before he had to discover for himself. Which would happen indefinitely, because that morning I had been texted from a reputable source at HIS school saying he's not all that great. But something else struck me- what if what we've got here isn't gossip- SHOCKER- it's actually vital information concerning this girls' friends future? Without knowing this VITAL INFORMATION she may make an irrational decision about this boy without thinking. And here's where us GGs come in- we MUST inform her or one of her friends before she does something stupid! See, that's a different way of looking at it. You wouldn't call me a gossip or a bitch now? For trying to save my friend? So, before you judge that backstabbing bitch, wait until she back stabs and bitches about you- because for all you know; she could be saving you from the backlash about that HIDEOUS outfit you wore last week by informing everyone about it first. Honesty the best policy? IMHO- it's a game of chinese whispers, we feed our grape vine with the original dirt, and then however it may change from there... it's not upto us. So what if she kissed him? Just because you heard she's having his babies isn't my fault! Really, the gossip-starter is just telling the truth. Being a bitch is about being honest. Being a gossip is about letting everyone know just how honest you can BE.

xox Qwerty.

Give Me Something to Blog About.

Blog- diary, journal, story of my life. This is it, the web pages and windows in which I will fill with the fabulous confabululate of my life. Whether it be underage sex, fashion, politics or anything else that may take my fancy being a teenage girl. Why did I start this? Sheer boredom has a part of this- but sometimes my life gets so hectic that I need somewhere to remind myself of what's actually going on in it- and where better than the internet? The effect on the internet in my life is huge- whether I like it or not. I find myself walking around my school sometimes, and hearing 'I'll trade you his email adress for bebo love' or 'I'll myspace you for a facebook comment'. I have a friends who cannot go a day without checking their various profiles on popular social networking sites such as myspace, bebo and facebook. But I must admit- I'm just as bad. I use everything, I do much of my homework with the help of yahoo answers, I have regular 'profile updates' where I organise my blogs, pictures and comments before posting new ones. It's considered rude not to reply to a comment or accept and new friend. And not having a boyfriend or girlfriend CLEARLY stated as such on a profile is like not wearing you're wedding ring and telling everyone you're single. But is the young obsession with IM-ing, emailing, blogging and the likes really harmless? Or does it distort our views on social reality? Just beacause someone is our friend on myspace, would really say Hi to them on the street? Would you really tell a stranger they to join your fanclub on the bus? Do you mentally order your friends like you do your top 16? Personally I pray this isn't the future for my generation, but I suppose trading fruit and veg for bebo love would be quite handy.

xox Qwerty.