When First Dates turn into Worst Dates...

It's not the guy, I mean he's great. Charming, funny, friendly and kind. It's the time, the place and me. Today I had a bad date. I recently came out of an almost 5 month relationship, and as in Sex and The City, I believe you should allow yourself half the time you dated the person as to get over them. So thearetically, I shouldn't start going on any dates for another 2 and half months. But it was more like two and a half days, literally. And FYI, it's not a good idea. My emotions towards new crush and old boyfriend where confused- the feelings of love I had towards OB where getting lost between the feelings of excitement with NC. And together- love and excitement- create what I'm missing from either relationship; so combined, I'm in a damn good one. But wait- that's two guys, and I cant let myself get confused. It's so hard forcing yourself back to Plan A after so much with an OB, all the shit you got through together, all the fun you had, all the things you learnt, and the friendship. And then moving onto a NC, the prospect of all the above... it's just so hard to get caught in an emotional cross fire.

It started fine, a little awkward, but that's expected. It's just when he started brushing my arm, or touching my knee that my thoughts turned to OB. The date turned stressful and hard to bear, I had to stop looking at NC in the eye, I got nervous and scared. I really like this guy, but it's just way to soon. It's like buying a new dog the day after you're old one dies. What if OB finds out? What if NC finds out? Oh shit, i'm in shit. But when dates turn bad because of relationships turned bad, really, what can you do? It's not fair on the date to say 'hey, listen, not over my EX yet but maybe we could try this again in a few months 'cos I really like ya'll.'... wait, is that not fair? Maybe that would work. Surely he'd understand right? See, here I am, mixed up again.

The thing about this kinda thing is that it's so hard to tell when you're really over that person. I go buy three things: I can tell EX my crushes, I can tell EX what I really think about their EX, and most of all, I can see EX without any makeup on. It's so easy to get caught up between old and new, do you tell EX? Yes. You have too, and this is where I went wrong, I didn't tell him. Maybe if I had said 'I'm going on a date' it would me easy for me. Instead of thinking the whole time 'what would EX say?'. When you come across a situation like this all you can do is be honest. And, I know I'm not perfect, but I do believe honesty is the key to a good relationship, whether it's 'just friends' or growing old together. Don't put yourself out there too soon. Don't be vunerable. Do tell him [NC or OB] how you're feeling. And when all else fails, just take time for taking time.

xox Qwerty