When First Dates turn into Worst Dates...

It's not the guy, I mean he's great. Charming, funny, friendly and kind. It's the time, the place and me. Today I had a bad date. I recently came out of an almost 5 month relationship, and as in Sex and The City, I believe you should allow yourself half the time you dated the person as to get over them. So thearetically, I shouldn't start going on any dates for another 2 and half months. But it was more like two and a half days, literally. And FYI, it's not a good idea. My emotions towards new crush and old boyfriend where confused- the feelings of love I had towards OB where getting lost between the feelings of excitement with NC. And together- love and excitement- create what I'm missing from either relationship; so combined, I'm in a damn good one. But wait- that's two guys, and I cant let myself get confused. It's so hard forcing yourself back to Plan A after so much with an OB, all the shit you got through together, all the fun you had, all the things you learnt, and the friendship. And then moving onto a NC, the prospect of all the above... it's just so hard to get caught in an emotional cross fire.

It started fine, a little awkward, but that's expected. It's just when he started brushing my arm, or touching my knee that my thoughts turned to OB. The date turned stressful and hard to bear, I had to stop looking at NC in the eye, I got nervous and scared. I really like this guy, but it's just way to soon. It's like buying a new dog the day after you're old one dies. What if OB finds out? What if NC finds out? Oh shit, i'm in shit. But when dates turn bad because of relationships turned bad, really, what can you do? It's not fair on the date to say 'hey, listen, not over my EX yet but maybe we could try this again in a few months 'cos I really like ya'll.'... wait, is that not fair? Maybe that would work. Surely he'd understand right? See, here I am, mixed up again.

The thing about this kinda thing is that it's so hard to tell when you're really over that person. I go buy three things: I can tell EX my crushes, I can tell EX what I really think about their EX, and most of all, I can see EX without any makeup on. It's so easy to get caught up between old and new, do you tell EX? Yes. You have too, and this is where I went wrong, I didn't tell him. Maybe if I had said 'I'm going on a date' it would me easy for me. Instead of thinking the whole time 'what would EX say?'. When you come across a situation like this all you can do is be honest. And, I know I'm not perfect, but I do believe honesty is the key to a good relationship, whether it's 'just friends' or growing old together. Don't put yourself out there too soon. Don't be vunerable. Do tell him [NC or OB] how you're feeling. And when all else fails, just take time for taking time.

xox Qwerty

Give Me Something to Blog About.

Blog- diary, journal, story of my life. This is it, the web pages and windows in which I will fill with the fabulous confabululate of my life. Whether it be underage sex, fashion, politics or anything else that may take my fancy being a teenage girl. Why did I start this? Sheer boredom has a part of this- but sometimes my life gets so hectic that I need somewhere to remind myself of what's actually going on in it- and where better than the internet? The effect on the internet in my life is huge- whether I like it or not. I find myself walking around my school sometimes, and hearing 'I'll trade you his email adress for bebo love' or 'I'll myspace you for a facebook comment'. I have a friends who cannot go a day without checking their various profiles on popular social networking sites such as myspace, bebo and facebook. But I must admit- I'm just as bad. I use everything, I do much of my homework with the help of yahoo answers, I have regular 'profile updates' where I organise my blogs, pictures and comments before posting new ones. It's considered rude not to reply to a comment or accept and new friend. And not having a boyfriend or girlfriend CLEARLY stated as such on a profile is like not wearing you're wedding ring and telling everyone you're single. But is the young obsession with IM-ing, emailing, blogging and the likes really harmless? Or does it distort our views on social reality? Just beacause someone is our friend on myspace, would really say Hi to them on the street? Would you really tell a stranger they to join your fanclub on the bus? Do you mentally order your friends like you do your top 16? Personally I pray this isn't the future for my generation, but I suppose trading fruit and veg for bebo love would be quite handy.

xox Qwerty.