When First Dates turn into Worst Dates...

It's not the guy, I mean he's great. Charming, funny, friendly and kind. It's the time, the place and me. Today I had a bad date. I recently came out of an almost 5 month relationship, and as in Sex and The City, I believe you should allow yourself half the time you dated the person as to get over them. So thearetically, I shouldn't start going on any dates for another 2 and half months. But it was more like two and a half days, literally. And FYI, it's not a good idea. My emotions towards new crush and old boyfriend where confused- the feelings of love I had towards OB where getting lost between the feelings of excitement with NC. And together- love and excitement- create what I'm missing from either relationship; so combined, I'm in a damn good one. But wait- that's two guys, and I cant let myself get confused. It's so hard forcing yourself back to Plan A after so much with an OB, all the shit you got through together, all the fun you had, all the things you learnt, and the friendship. And then moving onto a NC, the prospect of all the above... it's just so hard to get caught in an emotional cross fire.

It started fine, a little awkward, but that's expected. It's just when he started brushing my arm, or touching my knee that my thoughts turned to OB. The date turned stressful and hard to bear, I had to stop looking at NC in the eye, I got nervous and scared. I really like this guy, but it's just way to soon. It's like buying a new dog the day after you're old one dies. What if OB finds out? What if NC finds out? Oh shit, i'm in shit. But when dates turn bad because of relationships turned bad, really, what can you do? It's not fair on the date to say 'hey, listen, not over my EX yet but maybe we could try this again in a few months 'cos I really like ya'll.'... wait, is that not fair? Maybe that would work. Surely he'd understand right? See, here I am, mixed up again.

The thing about this kinda thing is that it's so hard to tell when you're really over that person. I go buy three things: I can tell EX my crushes, I can tell EX what I really think about their EX, and most of all, I can see EX without any makeup on. It's so easy to get caught up between old and new, do you tell EX? Yes. You have too, and this is where I went wrong, I didn't tell him. Maybe if I had said 'I'm going on a date' it would me easy for me. Instead of thinking the whole time 'what would EX say?'. When you come across a situation like this all you can do is be honest. And, I know I'm not perfect, but I do believe honesty is the key to a good relationship, whether it's 'just friends' or growing old together. Don't put yourself out there too soon. Don't be vunerable. Do tell him [NC or OB] how you're feeling. And when all else fails, just take time for taking time.

xox Qwerty

Circles- What goes around.

Cliques. Networks. Friendship circles. If you don't belong in one, you probably belong in another. Your school or collage probably has a scale. Who climbing, who's falling. Who's on top, who's right at the very bottom. Hierarchy. You've probably seen Mean Girls and thought 'surely not?'. It's true. No matter how much you hate stereotypes, generalising and grouping of invdividuals, it's there and it always will be. Unlike the most popular girl however, she'll get her fifteen minutes, but once her popularity counter starts to run out, it's time for a new, younger, more hip teen will take the title. You must know your place in the scale. If you don't, you should be right at the bottom. It's a sad, sad, idea but unfortunatly that's how it goes. If you're reading this, and thinking, 'OMG, the nerve!' or 'WTF?', then just think to yourself- you know it's true, and however much you hate it, you're a part of it. Popularity is a bitch.

There are rules to get by- don't go outside your group unless you're willing to be something you're not. You must fit in. There's the popular girls, who aren't actually all that popular. Then the bitches and the gossips. A little lower down is the eccentrics- you love them, you know you do. The sporty kids. Then there's 'That Group'- you know the one, full of the odds and ends but they all seem to fit together perfectly. Usually of about 10 or 11. Then, the smart-arses. Not necessarily so clever, just think they know it all. Then... further down then I dare to go. These people are still liked, but not so much that they can climb the scale.

Without a certain clique, your school wouldn't function so well. Without That Group to make the clear divide between 'in' and 'out', no one would know where they stand. Without the gossips- Gosh, I dare to imagine, there would be no juice. There would be NO gossip. There would be nothing to stop everyone from getting along. You would be bored. Society as you know it would struggle to function. It would be a disaster- just remember, don't, don't, don't, whatever you do, get on the bad side of the school blabber. It's social suicide. The hardest part is, their is no way of chooing where on the scale you go. If -SHOCKER- you dare to be different- where do they put you? The best way to survive- be individual. Indivuduality, origniality and uniqueness show above all the best qualities of being a happy person. Who cares who's on top? Well, I do, but you shouldn't. Always remember- those who peak in high school have nothing to look forward too in later life. You may hate those people, but you are still fascinated by them.

xox Qwerty